Last week was been a roller coaster of emotions and I am glad to have it all behind me. I realize that this blog is meant to be about the process of weight loss, but weeks like this remind me that external variables are also the process of weight loss. Like stress and emotional turmoil.
I am have already admitted earlier in this blog that I like to eat my feelings. Any feeling. Even boredom sends me heading for a snack. The medication that I am on really helps curb these cravings, but sometimes things happen that are bigger than anti-depressants.
As I do not often talk about things other than what I have eaten I am not entirely sure how many of my readers know I am getting married. I could go back to the first entry of this blog and check to see if I mentioned it, but I am pretty lazy and will not spare those of you who are already aware of this. Nevertheless my wedding is in 3 months and 1 week. There has been a little hubba-balloo going on with regards to said wedding that has me desperately wanting junk food.
Well I was down 4.4 lbs in my first weigh-in (Stacy lost 8lbs, but she is a cheater because she is breast feeding) and I did not want to ruin my progress so early in the game, but the turmoil I was carrying around kept chanting in my head, "Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!" I even had a dream about being surrounded by cheeseburger's. Now I'm doing Weight Watchers which means that if I want a cheeseburger, I can have one. The only caveat to this is that I have to be willing to burn the points on it. This is where things get tricky . . . I treat my daily points like currency. "I do not want to spend that much on "insert food here." "Oh! That is WAY too much to spend on "insert another food here." So the thought of burning 24 pts on In N' Out just to make me feel better seemed ridiculous.
For one thing . . . Is it really going to make me feel better? NO!! In fact, wasting 24 pts on ONE meal when I only get 29 for the WHOLE DAY seems like diet suicide. Never mind that I CAN have it if I want to use the points. But the craving is not going to just disappear. I can pretend my salad is a burger all I want and it will do NOTHING to curb it, BUT the man that I am to marry is a genius.
I recently turned him onto the Atkins Diet. I had tried once before to get him into Weight Watchers, but it just was not his bag. Now he is on Atkins and he is doing famously. Already down 10lbs and I think it has only been 3 weeks. He LOVES his new "Meat & Cheese" diet. Cutting out carbs is really easy for him. Me . . . not so much, but when he mentioned the In N' Out protein style burger, I was intrigued. I love bread, but when I can have a cheeseburger for 9 points instead of 13 . . . I listen. Plus it was DELICIOUS!! I did not even miss the bun!! And I even only had half the fries for 5 points instead of 11 and I was FULL!!!
Crisis averted. I was able to enjoy my fattening meal, curb my craving, feed my soul a little in the process, AND still stay OP (which is Weight Watcher's for "On Point"). I was pretty proud of myself. I ended up dipping into 8 of my weekly points, but that is what they are there for.
I was proud again when my soon to be hubby took me to impromptu Valentine's Day Sushi. I got A LOT of the nigiri sushi, which for the untrained sushi goer is just the rice and meat. Usually sushi can be a healthy option, but when you begin to get into the bigger rolls, you start to add mayo and other delicious, but high point fixins. At first I gave in and ordered a specialty roll, but just a half, but later opted out of that for just a simple half spicy tuna roll. A healthier decision and SOOOO yummy!! After all was said and ate, I was only over 5 points for the day. Not too shabby!
Today, however, is day three of week 2 and I am back on target, although I did waste 2 points on a chocolate covered macadamia nut. I went back and forth over whether to eat it or not. I have a whole box here next to me that I have been attempting to pawn off on folks because I cannot eat them all myself and I the thought ran through me head, since I am technically alone in the office, that no one will know if I eat one or the whole box. This is old Kristal thinking. The girl that snuck food and acted SHOCKED when she did not lose weight on a weigh-in day and turned around and snuck more food to get over the guilt of the deceit.
So since I am on the buddy system, I texted Stacy. She reassured me that "1 will not kill you." It is 2 points, but that "I would not waste 6 points on it though." That is how many points for 4 pieces. She is right. I can have SOOOOO much food for 6 points. Food that will actually do something for me. I do not need it. Plus . . . It was not all that great. Kinda too rich for me. Luckily I'll be hitting the gym tonight. We do not think I will have too much trouble working that bad boy off, haha.
All in all . . . not a bad second week thus far.
February 15, 2011
February 8, 2011
Weight Watchers Week Won!!
See what I did there? It is my first week back on Weight Watchers (WW) and I am feeling far more optimistic than I ever have before. Even more optimistic than the first time I started WW and I lost about 30 pounds on that optimism. I know that since I have started this blog, I believe that I have been on at least three different diets. I'm pretty sure that there was at least one attempt this year and they all came to the same fate . . . I quit. So many of you who read my blog, if you are even still there, may be thinking, "OK lady . . . We've heard this all before. Why should we believe you THIS time?"
While I would like to say that I can answer this with one word, and truly I can,the one word is likely to be followed with a lot of exposition, and when I say "likely" I mean definitely, so is it really ONE word? Well for those of my readers who know me in person, they know that I could never just say ONE word on any subject. Ever! Instead, I will answer this by starting out with one word and then explaining how that one word should lead you to follow me, yet again, on my weight loss adventure: Medication.
That's right faithful followers, I am on medication and I have to admit, it ain't half bad. That is right, I used ain't. That is how much the medication is working!! I use awful contractions as part of everyday vernacular and I expect that you will not treat me as a hillbilly because I am no longer crazy. For those same people who know me, you may shocked to find out that behind closed doors I was a scared, neurotic, mean girl, but I was. You can ask my fiance Chris if you do not or cannot believe it, but it was true.
There were several time this past year, and I mean "year" and in an actual 365 days way, not January to January, that I convinced myself that I was ready to lose the weight. You all were there for that. Going to the gym nearly everyday, eating well, staying motivated, and BAM! I would stop. I would not just have a cheat day, oh no, that was too simple. My cheat days turned to weeks and weeks into months. And for what? I was ready to lose was I not?
Well, truthfully, no. I was not. But why? That was the question that haunted me. I kept thinking to myself that I was ready!! I was not happy with the way I looked at all. Naked or clothed, it pained me to think of my body, but I could not stop myself from grabbing In N Out or Del Taco. Eating Pizza or drinking copious amounts of alcohol at a party (sorry mom). All empty calories. All went straight to my ass, thighs, and stomach. And for some reason I could not bring myself to get it under control. Even the numerous times I was SURE I was ready to give my all to diet and exercise, I still found a way to sabotage myself and I did not know why that was. Not even the numerous encounters with folks who inquired about the upcoming birth of what surely should be a child inside my belly could shame me into the motivation that I truly needed to succeed in weight loss.
Apparently this is all related to depression. When one is depressed and unaware that they are depressed, there are other aspects of the mind that one is aware of. I also learned from my wonderful doctor that self-sabotage is common practice among those with depression and it is so ingrained in our psyche that we do not even realize it. So in short, haha, even though I thought I wanted to lose weight, even though I thought that I was emotionally ready, I was not. Curtain open on . . . MEDICATION!!
One cannot truly appreciate the calming affects of medication unless one has been crazy. I was not just crazy, I was CARAZAY!! Yeah, I am not just hillbilly, I am a lil' ghetto too. I could flip at the drop of a hat. I would burst into tears if my hair was too tangled after a shower. I was flat out of control and although I thought I wanted to change all the things about myself that I felt were contributing to the cause, I could not. My brain was not ready, but now after nearly 3 months on the "juice," me and my doctor believe that I am ready and I am quite excited already.
This time I also have reinforcements. I had reinforcements in the past, but none of them live with me, none of them could truly give you "the look" when you admit the cheeseburger mega meal that you ate that day. Chris is no good for this. He loves me. He is gonna marry me and for whatever reason, because I truly do not understand it, he loves me irregardless of any weight I have. I liken this phenomenom to beer-goggles. He has anti-fat love goggles. He either just does not see it or does not care enough about it to care about it. Either way he is unreliable, but your friends . . . they will not lie to you.
So when Stacy, who is both a great friend and roommate, said "This is the week we start," despite the two weeks prior filled with failed attempts to start, I was excited. We went grocery shopping and bought A LOT of healthy food. A LOT!!! We are set on healthy food like the end of the world is coming. Armeggedon? Enh. We have soup.
I am also happy to say that I have been to the gym four days in a row!! I know! I am shocked too. I have to put up with evening gym goers which consist of girls who spend more time putting on their make-up in the locker room than on the actual machines, the guys who spend MORE than the allotted 20 min per machine even though there is clearly a line of folks waiting to get one, and the annoying goofy guy who puffs out his chest and winks at all the ladies, who could ALMOST be kinda of sexy if he was not also rocking a fanny pack.
All that aside I'm excited. Here is my starting measurments and weight as of Sunday Feb 6th, 2011:
Weight: 179.4
Waist: 39.75 inches
Hips: 45 inches
Bust: 41.5 inches
Arms: 12.25 inches
Thighs: 23 inches
Wish me and Stacy luck!!!
While I would like to say that I can answer this with one word, and truly I can,the one word is likely to be followed with a lot of exposition, and when I say "likely" I mean definitely, so is it really ONE word? Well for those of my readers who know me in person, they know that I could never just say ONE word on any subject. Ever! Instead, I will answer this by starting out with one word and then explaining how that one word should lead you to follow me, yet again, on my weight loss adventure: Medication.
That's right faithful followers, I am on medication and I have to admit, it ain't half bad. That is right, I used ain't. That is how much the medication is working!! I use awful contractions as part of everyday vernacular and I expect that you will not treat me as a hillbilly because I am no longer crazy. For those same people who know me, you may shocked to find out that behind closed doors I was a scared, neurotic, mean girl, but I was. You can ask my fiance Chris if you do not or cannot believe it, but it was true.
There were several time this past year, and I mean "year" and in an actual 365 days way, not January to January, that I convinced myself that I was ready to lose the weight. You all were there for that. Going to the gym nearly everyday, eating well, staying motivated, and BAM! I would stop. I would not just have a cheat day, oh no, that was too simple. My cheat days turned to weeks and weeks into months. And for what? I was ready to lose was I not?
Well, truthfully, no. I was not. But why? That was the question that haunted me. I kept thinking to myself that I was ready!! I was not happy with the way I looked at all. Naked or clothed, it pained me to think of my body, but I could not stop myself from grabbing In N Out or Del Taco. Eating Pizza or drinking copious amounts of alcohol at a party (sorry mom). All empty calories. All went straight to my ass, thighs, and stomach. And for some reason I could not bring myself to get it under control. Even the numerous times I was SURE I was ready to give my all to diet and exercise, I still found a way to sabotage myself and I did not know why that was. Not even the numerous encounters with folks who inquired about the upcoming birth of what surely should be a child inside my belly could shame me into the motivation that I truly needed to succeed in weight loss.
Apparently this is all related to depression. When one is depressed and unaware that they are depressed, there are other aspects of the mind that one is aware of. I also learned from my wonderful doctor that self-sabotage is common practice among those with depression and it is so ingrained in our psyche that we do not even realize it. So in short, haha, even though I thought I wanted to lose weight, even though I thought that I was emotionally ready, I was not. Curtain open on . . . MEDICATION!!
One cannot truly appreciate the calming affects of medication unless one has been crazy. I was not just crazy, I was CARAZAY!! Yeah, I am not just hillbilly, I am a lil' ghetto too. I could flip at the drop of a hat. I would burst into tears if my hair was too tangled after a shower. I was flat out of control and although I thought I wanted to change all the things about myself that I felt were contributing to the cause, I could not. My brain was not ready, but now after nearly 3 months on the "juice," me and my doctor believe that I am ready and I am quite excited already.
This time I also have reinforcements. I had reinforcements in the past, but none of them live with me, none of them could truly give you "the look" when you admit the cheeseburger mega meal that you ate that day. Chris is no good for this. He loves me. He is gonna marry me and for whatever reason, because I truly do not understand it, he loves me irregardless of any weight I have. I liken this phenomenom to beer-goggles. He has anti-fat love goggles. He either just does not see it or does not care enough about it to care about it. Either way he is unreliable, but your friends . . . they will not lie to you.
So when Stacy, who is both a great friend and roommate, said "This is the week we start," despite the two weeks prior filled with failed attempts to start, I was excited. We went grocery shopping and bought A LOT of healthy food. A LOT!!! We are set on healthy food like the end of the world is coming. Armeggedon? Enh. We have soup.
I am also happy to say that I have been to the gym four days in a row!! I know! I am shocked too. I have to put up with evening gym goers which consist of girls who spend more time putting on their make-up in the locker room than on the actual machines, the guys who spend MORE than the allotted 20 min per machine even though there is clearly a line of folks waiting to get one, and the annoying goofy guy who puffs out his chest and winks at all the ladies, who could ALMOST be kinda of sexy if he was not also rocking a fanny pack.
All that aside I'm excited. Here is my starting measurments and weight as of Sunday Feb 6th, 2011:
Weight: 179.4
Waist: 39.75 inches
Hips: 45 inches
Bust: 41.5 inches
Arms: 12.25 inches
Thighs: 23 inches
Wish me and Stacy luck!!!
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