Eating and Exercising

So I've already broken two promises that I made to myself. I promised myself that I would not have a cheat day until Thanksgiving and the I would not weigh myself until the Monday of that cheat day. Not only did I cheat ALL weekend but also I got on the scale this Monday too. Well luckily for me, that "cheat day" that I had, even though I did not intend on having it, did not take the toll that I thought that it had. The scale told me I was down 4.6 lbs.

I know!! I'm shocked too!! When I looked down on the scale I thought, "REALLY!?? I ate almost nothing, but El Pollo Loco ALL weekend and I lose?" Well I have never been the kind of person to look a gift horse in the mouth so I will not start now. Thank you gods of fat for blessing me with a nearly 5 lb loss this on the week where I did little to no exercise.

Ok, so I would not say that is entirely true. I started parking further out in the parking lot so that I have to walk further to get inside, instead of lumbering up the stairs to my bedroom I have been kicking it up a little, AND the elliptical is now centrally located in the garage. I have not used it yet, but at least it is there. I may even use it tonight. Take a little 30 minute vacation from my life. Besides, I heard that exercising relieves stress and here with only two weeks of school left . . . I need a little stress relief.

In fact, now that I think about . . . what idiot convinced me that STARTING a diet during the last two weeks of school, at the start of the most food oriented holiday season, was a good idea? Oh yeah, that's right. The same idiot who thought that In 'N Out every Tuesday and Thursday for three weeks was a good idea. At least this time that idiot has some good sense.

Tussling with Temptation

Today was day three of the Special K challenge. I am beginning to think that there is a reason that diets are all called challenges. The "Special K Easy" just is not true. It is a challenge and today was no exception. It was one of those days where a cheeseburger and vanilla shake seem to be the only thing that can cure what ails one.

I've been drinking a TON of water and therefore hitting the head a lot more than usual and I think that I need to start using the bathroom in another building. Not only will I NOT have to walk by the damn vending machine four and five times a day, but I'll actually get a little more milage in during my day. The main problem is that on days like today, the really stressful days, those vending machine items look pretty tasty. Especially since they suddenly have sea salt and vinegar lays in the machine. I wanted them so badly that I could almost taste them. Luckily it was too busy for me to even eat the fruit and Special K snacks that I brought.

So I am choking back my INCREDIBLE craving for In N' Out. Cause let's not pretend that I do not suddenly feel like I have not had a a burger in years!! But I have made a promise to myself that I will not break this easy. I had a personal goal that my first cheat day will be Thanksgiving, after all who wants to eat Special K products alone on Thanksgiving? Certainly not I, it would be downright sacrilegious. Hopefully I will be able to meet this goal.

I have also promised myself that I will not weigh myself until the monday of that week. I think that the fluctuations caused by various things will only discourage me. Rather than ruin all the hard work that I have and will do, I think it is for the best. Not seeing a number that might disturb me, is certain to keep me away from burgers and twix bars, if that is even possible to be dissuaded from such deliciousness.

Antics and Anniversaries

Maybe it is the (very strong) gin and tonic I drank at dinner tonight or my general lack of spelling skills, but "anniversaries" looks silly to me. For whatever reason, I wish I could say why, but "anniversary's" just looks nicer. Probably the gin talking really.

So all that aside, today is my and my fiancé's third year anniversary. We've also officially been engaged for a year today as well. A busy, busy day. Three years ago today we were eating dinner at the Palmdale Applebee's when Chris practically begged me to be his girlfriend. It was really quite adorable. Ok, so there was not any begging involved, but there was a lot of shock on my part. I had not really been expecting what we had to develop into a relationship. I had been attempting to resist the idea of a relationship, but damn his charm!! It did not work and we were boyfriend and girlfriend . . . literally. We do not really call each other by our given names, unless he's in trouble or he's breaking up with me. ;)

At any rate last year he asked me to be his wife and I accepted. We were at the happiest place on earth's neighbor (California Adventure) on my favorite ride EVER, Soarin' over California. It was pretty awesome to say the least.

Now we are planning the wedding. Right now it is mostly finalizing things as the wedding is in little over 5 months (which totally does not freak me out). It has been an exciting year and people did not lie when they say that the time would FLY by. I almost feel like I do not have any time left, but when I stop (to breath) I can recognize all the work that is already done and it makes me feel much better. I know that the next few months are going to fly by and be even more of a blur, it is the holiday season after all, and soon enough I will be wondering if I can make it down the aisle without passing out or crying.

For now I am going to go enjoy the rest of the night with my baby and the new Ipod touch I got for our anniversary. Yay me!!!

Troubles and Triumphs

Hello all!! I am back!! There is something quite refreshing about the first of a new month. Especially one with such a crisp bite in the air. Autumn has always been my most favorite time of the year. There is something cathartic about nature shedding itself only to be born again in the spring. I have often wondered what could inspire me to get off of my laurels and I never expected it would be me. I have just resolved that this month won't be like the others. I am tired of waiting around whining about how unhappy I am that I have gained weight, but all the while doing nothing about it.

I think I may have written about this in another blog, but I used to watch Dr. Phil ALL THE TIME!! I could not get enough of that happy bald man and his little "isms." I even once bought the self matters books, but I never even cracked them open and I could not begin to tell you where they went. In all the hours I spent watching Dr. Phil fixing other people and wishing it was me, there was one thing that he said many times that I never could quite shake from my head: "Fake it til you make it."

The first time I heard it I thought it sounded absurd. But after time the phrase began to take on a new meaning to me. The whole time I was dating my ex, I was never really myself. I was "faking it," hoping that I would make it. I used it recently with a friend and he thought it absurd too. He says, "If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?" This idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I know that this isn't entirely the idea that Dr. Phil means by this and despite my friend's astute observation of this phrase I still have decided to "fake it" . . . a little.

I am no longer going to pretend that I am happy when I am not or swallow feelings to avoid confrontation. I am a grown woman and I deserve to have my feelings heard, validated even. I am going to be present in my life, even if that means having conversations that are hard to have. So be it. They almost always HAVE to be had, but people spend so much time walking on egg shells for other people, but not me anymore.

Where am I going to "fake it" then? In my diet and exercise. I am going to "fake it" that I LOVE dieting and exercise. I was very nearly close to loving it when I was going last time, but last time there was too much stress involved for me. So this time I am alleviating the stress of working out. I am starting sllllloooowwwwwllly. This coming weekend we are bringing the elliptical to the new house. Rather than hoofing out to the gym at God's hour, I will hoof it downstairs to the garage and enjoy a private workout. I know eventually that I will want to hoof it to the gym as I do really want to go again, I just don't have the energy for all that yet. I need to build up the tolerance I had.

I have also started on the path to healthy eating again. It has been 5 days since my last fast food encounter and I intend to make that even longer. I have accepted the Special K challenge, but I will also be combining it with Weight Watchers. The rules for the Special K challenge are as follows:

Breakfast - Special K cereal with 2/3 cup skim milk and fruit.

Lunch - A Special K protein shake or bar and fruit

Dinner - Eat third meal as you normally do.

Snacks - Enjoy as many fruits and veggies as you like and indulge in two Special K snacks per day.

Sounds pretty self explanatory, but where the weight watchers comes into play is with the third meal. It is not going to do me any good to have In N' Out as my third meal so I should still be choosing a meal that keeps me within my points value for the day as well as something that I would "normally" eat. Let's not pretend I couldn't rationalize to myself exactly why I COULD eat In N' Out as my third meal, after all "I did sooooo good eating all the Special K food throughout the day."

So here I go on day 1 (again). Hopefully this time I have the chops to make it all the way through. Although (dirty-little-secret-time), I HAVE to make it work this time. I've gained some weight in the last couple of months and right now I don't fit in my wedding dress. It makes me feel like I've let down myself and my mom by allowing this to happen, but I have the power to fix it and this time I will.