Hello all!! I am back!! There is something quite refreshing about the first of a new month. Especially one with such a crisp bite in the air. Autumn has always been my most favorite time of the year. There is something cathartic about nature shedding itself only to be born again in the spring. I have often wondered what could inspire me to get off of my laurels and I never expected it would be me. I have just resolved that this month won't be like the others. I am tired of waiting around whining about how unhappy I am that I have gained weight, but all the while doing nothing about it.
I think I may have written about this in another blog, but I used to watch Dr. Phil ALL THE TIME!! I could not get enough of that happy bald man and his little "isms." I even once bought the self matters books, but I never even cracked them open and I could not begin to tell you where they went. In all the hours I spent watching Dr. Phil fixing other people and wishing it was me, there was one thing that he said many times that I never could quite shake from my head: "Fake it til you make it."
The first time I heard it I thought it sounded absurd. But after time the phrase began to take on a new meaning to me. The whole time I was dating my ex, I was never really myself. I was "faking it," hoping that I would make it. I used it recently with a friend and he thought it absurd too. He says, "If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?" This idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I know that this isn't entirely the idea that Dr. Phil means by this and despite my friend's astute observation of this phrase I still have decided to "fake it" . . . a little.
I am no longer going to pretend that I am happy when I am not or swallow feelings to avoid confrontation. I am a grown woman and I deserve to have my feelings heard, validated even. I am going to be present in my life, even if that means having conversations that are hard to have. So be it. They almost always HAVE to be had, but people spend so much time walking on egg shells for other people, but not me anymore.
Where am I going to "fake it" then? In my diet and exercise. I am going to "fake it" that I LOVE dieting and exercise. I was very nearly close to loving it when I was going last time, but last time there was too much stress involved for me. So this time I am alleviating the stress of working out. I am starting sllllloooowwwwwllly. This coming weekend we are bringing the elliptical to the new house. Rather than hoofing out to the gym at God's hour, I will hoof it downstairs to the garage and enjoy a private workout. I know eventually that I will want to hoof it to the gym as I do really want to go again, I just don't have the energy for all that yet. I need to build up the tolerance I had.
I have also started on the path to healthy eating again. It has been 5 days since my last fast food encounter and I intend to make that even longer. I have accepted the Special K challenge, but I will also be combining it with Weight Watchers. The rules for the Special K challenge are as follows:
Breakfast - Special K cereal with 2/3 cup skim milk and fruit.
Lunch - A Special K protein shake or bar and fruit
Dinner - Eat third meal as you normally do.
Snacks - Enjoy as many fruits and veggies as you like and indulge in two Special K snacks per day.
Sounds pretty self explanatory, but where the weight watchers comes into play is with the third meal. It is not going to do me any good to have In N' Out as my third meal so I should still be choosing a meal that keeps me within my points value for the day as well as something that I would "normally" eat. Let's not pretend I couldn't rationalize to myself exactly why I COULD eat In N' Out as my third meal, after all "I did sooooo good eating all the Special K food throughout the day."
So here I go on day 1 (again). Hopefully this time I have the chops to make it all the way through. Although (dirty-little-secret-time), I HAVE to make it work this time. I've gained some weight in the last couple of months and right now I don't fit in my wedding dress. It makes me feel like I've let down myself and my mom by allowing this to happen, but I have the power to fix it and this time I will.
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4 comments:
I have a feeling that you,in spite of all the temptations and obsticles,will successfully squeeze into that wedding dress with some room to spare. And when the time comes to dawn that lucky dress, I'm confident that your picture perfect beauty will radiate and knock your new husband right off his feet.
Dearest Kristal,
I am very happy to hear you are back in action. I know you can do it! You have inspired me with your Weight Watchers' knowledge, and both my boyfriend and I are starting to lose weight. So stay strong!
With that being said... Dr. Phil is plain awful. He steals popular psychology techniques and theories and acts like he is the one who thought of it. The nerve of that man! What a plagiarizer! Although I do not know the origination of "Fake till you make it" I know it is used as a common therapy technique in order to "imitate confidence so that as the confidence produces success, it will generate real confidence." It can be very helpful for people in therapy.
Sorry for the Dr. Phil bashing, but that man gets on my damn nerves!
Now back to you! Best of luck, my love! I have the upmost faith in you!
It's so hard to have to begin again and again, but it is great that you have determination and motivation. You can do this!
@Jeff, thank you so much for your kind words!! They very nearly made me cry!!
@Jen, lol. I knew you would have something to say about Dr. Phil. No worries, when I am REALLY screwed up I will still rely on my lovely Dr. Jen-a-saurus to fix me. :D It also makes my heart happy to hear about your success with weight loss and my part in it.
@Megan, starting and stopping is the story of my life. Maybe it is a part of who I am. Whatever the reason, I am committed this time (at least for right now, lol).
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