Weight Watchers Week Won!!

See what I did there? It is my first week back on Weight Watchers (WW) and I am feeling far more optimistic than I ever have before. Even more optimistic than the first time I started WW and I lost about 30 pounds on that optimism. I know that since I have started this blog, I believe that I have been on at least three different diets. I'm pretty sure that there was at least one attempt this year and they all came to the same fate . . . I quit. So many of you who read my blog, if you are even still there, may be thinking, "OK lady . . . We've heard this all before. Why should we believe you THIS time?"

While I would like to say that I can answer this with one word, and truly I can,the one word is likely to be followed with a lot of exposition, and when I say "likely" I mean definitely, so is it really ONE word? Well for those of my readers who know me in person, they know that I could never just say ONE word on any subject. Ever! Instead, I will answer this by starting out with one word and then explaining how that one word should lead you to follow me, yet again, on my weight loss adventure: Medication.

That's right faithful followers, I am on medication and I have to admit, it ain't half bad. That is right, I used ain't. That is how much the medication is working!! I use awful contractions as part of everyday vernacular and I expect that you will not treat me as a hillbilly because I am no longer crazy. For those same people who know me, you may shocked to find out that behind closed doors I was a scared, neurotic, mean girl, but I was. You can ask my fiance Chris if you do not or cannot believe it, but it was true.

There were several time this past year, and I mean "year" and in an actual 365 days way, not January to January, that I convinced myself that I was ready to lose the weight. You all were there for that. Going to the gym nearly everyday, eating well, staying motivated, and BAM! I would stop. I would not just have a cheat day, oh no, that was too simple. My cheat days turned to weeks and weeks into months. And for what? I was ready to lose was I not?

Well, truthfully, no. I was not. But why? That was the question that haunted me. I kept thinking to myself that I was ready!! I was not happy with the way I looked at all. Naked or clothed, it pained me to think of my body, but I could not stop myself from grabbing In N Out or Del Taco. Eating Pizza or drinking copious amounts of alcohol at a party (sorry mom). All empty calories. All went straight to my ass, thighs, and stomach. And for some reason I could not bring myself to get it under control. Even the numerous times I was SURE I was ready to give my all to diet and exercise, I still found a way to sabotage myself and I did not know why that was. Not even the numerous encounters with folks who inquired about the upcoming birth of what surely should be a child inside my belly could shame me into the motivation that I truly needed to succeed in weight loss.

Apparently this is all related to depression. When one is depressed and unaware that they are depressed, there are other aspects of the mind that one is aware of. I also learned from my wonderful doctor that self-sabotage is common practice among those with depression and it is so ingrained in our psyche that we do not even realize it. So in short, haha, even though I thought I wanted to lose weight, even though I thought that I was emotionally ready, I was not. Curtain open on . . . MEDICATION!!

One cannot truly appreciate the calming affects of medication unless one has been crazy. I was not just crazy, I was CARAZAY!! Yeah, I am not just hillbilly, I am a lil' ghetto too. I could flip at the drop of a hat. I would burst into tears if my hair was too tangled after a shower. I was flat out of control and although I thought I wanted to change all the things about myself that I felt were contributing to the cause, I could not. My brain was not ready, but now after nearly 3 months on the "juice," me and my doctor believe that I am ready and I am quite excited already.

This time I also have reinforcements. I had reinforcements in the past, but none of them live with me, none of them could truly give you "the look" when you admit the cheeseburger mega meal that you ate that day. Chris is no good for this. He loves me. He is gonna marry me and for whatever reason, because I truly do not understand it, he loves me irregardless of any weight I have. I liken this phenomenom to beer-goggles. He has anti-fat love goggles. He either just does not see it or does not care enough about it to care about it. Either way he is unreliable, but your friends . . . they will not lie to you.

So when Stacy, who is both a great friend and roommate, said "This is the week we start," despite the two weeks prior filled with failed attempts to start, I was excited. We went grocery shopping and bought A LOT of healthy food. A LOT!!! We are set on healthy food like the end of the world is coming. Armeggedon? Enh. We have soup.

I am also happy to say that I have been to the gym four days in a row!! I know! I am shocked too. I have to put up with evening gym goers which consist of girls who spend more time putting on their make-up in the locker room than on the actual machines, the guys who spend MORE than the allotted 20 min per machine even though there is clearly a line of folks waiting to get one, and the annoying goofy guy who puffs out his chest and winks at all the ladies, who could ALMOST be kinda of sexy if he was not also rocking a fanny pack.

All that aside I'm excited. Here is my starting measurments and weight as of Sunday Feb 6th, 2011:

Weight: 179.4
Waist: 39.75 inches
Hips: 45 inches
Bust: 41.5 inches
Arms: 12.25 inches
Thighs: 23 inches

Wish me and Stacy luck!!!