I've luckily not married any of the men I once thought I wanted to. That would have only amounted to three divorces. What's better is not having had children with any of them either. I would rather crawl through broken glass and swim through a salt water pool than have anything that ties me to any of those three men. (I know what you're thinking; I wish I was more honest and open with my feelings too.)
So here I am 1 year and 1 month from my wedding day. That's right folks, I'll be 30 before I'll have had my first marriage, but it is going to be with the man that I love and truly can't wait to spend my life with. He is bringing into my life a child of eight, almost nine. So I am nearly there to the life goals that I set for myself so many years ago. But that doesn't stop that biological clock from ticking.
Tick I want a baby. Tock You're getting older, time for a baby. Tick You're almost 30 and no baby. Tock BABY! BABY! BABY!
So my good friend Megan says to me, "We can get our bodies into shape so that they are ready when we get pregnant!" . . . GENIUS!!! If I am already 45.13% body fat AND I am adding baby weight . . . I don't foresee that going over very well. Especially since, and let's all be honest, I will be one of those girls, "But I am eating for TWO!" We all know that, yes, technically pregnant women are sustaining two lives, but that isn't an excuse to eat chili cheese fry pancakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. IN FACT, I am well aware that it is the perfect time to eat even healthier to ensure the wellness of both mommy and child. My concern, however, is that if I can't even control my eating now when only my health is on the line . . . how will I ever be able to do it then?
Let's not pretend that I have been to the gym once since I posted this blog. It was intended for me and Eli to hit the gym this morning for some 6am CKMBM time at the gym, but like a lameo, I didn't get enough sleep last night and I just wasn't down to get up that early (sorry buddy). I am also supposed to go walking after work and before class with Katie, but that isn't going to happen either. Not just because of lack of sleep, but also because I don't know how serious I am taking this first week because of my birthday. Between nachos and chips & guac last night and the country scramble for breakfast (of which I didn't eat all of yet), I know that I SHOULD be working out, but I just flat am not going to. Period.
This doesn't mean that I am not serious about the competition that I am entered into with Katie and Eli, it just means that I am not serious about it yesterday and today. It is my birthday, and while I know that it is yet another excuse in the long list of excuses that has led to my weight gain, it still isn't enough to guilt myself into doing anything. I'd much rather have my fun and then forget all about it come Friday morning. Of course on Friday morning will be my blog about how disgusting and guilty I feel about not having cared these last two days, but we'll write that blog when we come to it.
Tick I want a baby. Tock You're getting older, time for a baby. Tick You're almost 30 and no baby. Tock BABY! BABY! BABY!
So my good friend Megan says to me, "We can get our bodies into shape so that they are ready when we get pregnant!" . . . GENIUS!!! If I am already 45.13% body fat AND I am adding baby weight . . . I don't foresee that going over very well. Especially since, and let's all be honest, I will be one of those girls, "But I am eating for TWO!" We all know that, yes, technically pregnant women are sustaining two lives, but that isn't an excuse to eat chili cheese fry pancakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. IN FACT, I am well aware that it is the perfect time to eat even healthier to ensure the wellness of both mommy and child. My concern, however, is that if I can't even control my eating now when only my health is on the line . . . how will I ever be able to do it then?
Let's not pretend that I have been to the gym once since I posted this blog. It was intended for me and Eli to hit the gym this morning for some 6am CKMBM time at the gym, but like a lameo, I didn't get enough sleep last night and I just wasn't down to get up that early (sorry buddy). I am also supposed to go walking after work and before class with Katie, but that isn't going to happen either. Not just because of lack of sleep, but also because I don't know how serious I am taking this first week because of my birthday. Between nachos and chips & guac last night and the country scramble for breakfast (of which I didn't eat all of yet), I know that I SHOULD be working out, but I just flat am not going to. Period.
This doesn't mean that I am not serious about the competition that I am entered into with Katie and Eli, it just means that I am not serious about it yesterday and today. It is my birthday, and while I know that it is yet another excuse in the long list of excuses that has led to my weight gain, it still isn't enough to guilt myself into doing anything. I'd much rather have my fun and then forget all about it come Friday morning. Of course on Friday morning will be my blog about how disgusting and guilty I feel about not having cared these last two days, but we'll write that blog when we come to it.
3 comments:
Ah, the vicious cycle! I know it all too well.
But, yes, let's get in shape for those babies!
Don't forget... calories don't count on your birthday. ;) And come Monday morning, we WILL be at the gym. And if you aren't there, I know where you live!
You have an amazing writing style and your honesty is admirable. I couldn't imagine being that honest about weight gain and self body image. Love you!
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